17 relationship red flags you should never ignore
The health of a relationship is totally subjective, obviously. But if your partner consistently puts you down or makes you feel anything other than amazing – especially in the early days of dating – it might not be the best fit.
Trouble is, when we want to make something work, we’re inclined to ignore red flags like these whenever they arise.
Here, 17 women share the tell-tale signs of toxic behaviour they wished they’d never, ever glossed over. Learn from their mistakes.
1. "Him saying I was a 'real woman' and different/better than his exes. Those comments made me feel good at the time, but then I realised it was his way of saying that actually no woman was good enough for him." [via]
2. "The terrible sex. Obviously in the beginning you're still working things out but if it's still terrible after a few months despite trying your hardest to show them what you enjoy then don't pretend it's not a big deal when sex is a very important aspect of a healthy relationship. I pretended it was no biggie, because hey its just sex and now I'm married and our bedroom is completely dead." [via]
3. "She was patronising and thought that saying nice things too often diminished the meaning of the words." [via]
4. "He didn't like me telling mutual friends about our relationship because he was a private person... Lots of other red flags but this was a big one. Turned out he was living a double life but it took me two yers and a mental breakdown to figure that out." [via]
5. "She blamed everyone else for her problems." [via]
6. "On the first date, he didn’t ask me any questions about myself. Glossed over. I thought: maybe he's nervous! He wasn’t nervous. Just self-centred." [via]
7. "Extreme jealousy. He was very romantic and charming at first, then started accusing me of infidelity and flirting with other man. Once he accompanied me to the vet because my dog was in an accident and needed surgery. He accused me of flirting with the vet, even though the vet and I were discussing my dog's care. He has a meltdown over it later in the evening. That is only one example. Fast forward a couple of months...I find out he was still married and I was 'the other woman'. Ew." [via]
8. "He made me feel self conscious about silly things like singing badly in the car." [via]
9. "His lack of respect when it came to making plans. He would ignore me for hours when I asked to make plans and would reply with “maybe”, in case his buddies wanted to do something. He had a big case of FOMO and I was never his priority." [via]
10. "The first time he said, 'I'm not a racist, BUT...' News flash: he was a racist." [via]
11. "Overly clingy to the point where he wanted me to prioritise him over everything else in my life, including my time with my family." [via]
13. "Him being unable to deal with negative emotions, and being desperate to avoid them at all cost. This led to me neglecting my own needs, because he’d take it as personal criticism if I told him I needed something he didn’t already give me." [via]
14. "How incredibly rude he was to his mum, who literally derailed her life to raise him as a single mum." [via]
15. "Anger issues, 'having a temper', explosive outbursts of anger when things didn't go his way, and lashing out physically and verbally when upset. Just because it hasn't been directed at you yet, doesn't mean you are actually safe." [via]
16. "If the friends he hangs out with the most are assholes, he's an asshole too. He's just acting differently because you're around." [via]
17. "When your partner has no friends of their own. This will ultimately come back to bite you when your partner comes to rely on you for their social life, or when you find you cannot hang out with your now-mutual friends alone without the expectation of your partner tagging along." [via]
Have you ever ignored your gut early on in a relationship?
Image credit: HBO
38 Member Comments
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Unfortunately, some of these sound familiar.........so glad I am not in that relationship any more.
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Yes these ring a bell. Next time Im listening to my gut instinct.
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Yeah it is easy to ignore red flags and think nothing of it. I definitely will look out for these.
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I can relate to some of these. I went on one date where the guy just talked about himself the whole time and didn't ask me anything - there was no second date.
There was another boyfriend who started off as Mr Perfect but as time went on he became more and more controlling and manipulative. He caused me so much grief that ending the relationship became a no brainer.
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I've come across a couple of those over the years and honestly probably have a few in my current marriage but I don't see them as a negative thing.
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Some of these are familiar to me and I knew they were red flags. Ah, makes me glad I'm out of the relationship now. It wasn't just their behaviour that were red flags, it was my behaviour in response to the red flag behaviour I have a hard time forgiving myself about years later.
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It is easy to spot issues in retrospect, but not so easy when in the relationship. I thought I avoided a lot of bad relationships in the past. And then I managed to ignore ALL the red flags for this one.
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Luckily I have a great husband and can’t relate to any of these
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This is great article for understanding about relationships.
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Yep. Some red flags waving there.
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Way past time to move on from these ones
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I am so lucky to have a really good fellow that I call my husband. Sure we have our issues now and then, but mostly we are happy to let them pass and get on with our lives.
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Great article. Society still teaches girls that they are only successful if they can get a man. So not true! I glossed over so many of these things in my younger life, simply because I didn't think I deserved any better. Wish I had known earlier that I absolutely do deserve better :-)
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So many Red Flags - Relationships are such hard work mentally and physically exhausting :)
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Umm I just read this exact same article on another website earlier this week. Deja vu.
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Oh my god reading these gave me some Vietnam flashbacks lol.
My Ex was embarrassed of me and didn't like being seen or associated with me, I convinced myself that he was just a private person and didn't like PDA's. His friends were jerks and he used to be horrible to his mother (who was a victim of domestic abuse, herself). I convinced myself that he just had a hard life.
Once, I refused to have sex with him because I was wasn't well. So he tried to force himself onto me... thankfully, I was able to get my leg up and boot him in the chin! He talked down to me, gas-lighted me, laughed when I told him about serious problems. I lost all confidence and happiness but... I was so "in love" that I was convinced that one day he would come to his senses and realise how great I was. I was an absolute wreck after that relationship but, that was 4 years ago and after a lot of mental deep diving and self love, I've finally got my "mojo" back.
Anyway, to whoever is in a similar situation. GET OUT OF THERE! YOUR HAPPINESS IS WHAT MATTERS! THEY WILL NOT CHANGE! They will not "come to their senses and realise what a great, loving amazing person you are". People like that need to be dumped, like the rubbish they are.
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Oh dear some of these really ring true...:(
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